Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Good Ways To Make Sure You Raise Spineless Panzies

I am still grappling for ways to teach manhood to my boys. But along the way, I have recognized some sure ways to teach them to be girls... Don't get me wrong... Girls should not be spineless. Girls ought to be tough... but, in a feminine way. Boys should not be girls! They ought to be men of vision, ready to conquer for the glory of Jesus Christ.

  1. Send him to public schools so the government can teach him that God has nothing to do with science, math, or any academics. The culture of the school will teach him that sex, and dating are normal worldviews.
  2. Buy into the myth of adolescents and let him "sow his wild Oates." He'll develop a pattern of irresponsibility, get a girl pregnant, and maybe one day go into politics.
  3. Put him on a sports team. Live your sports dreams through him. Maybe one day he will think the World Series is something to die for. He will be good and shallow, without vision for what really matters in life.
  4. Buy him a video game. Keep him entertained.
  5. Send him to a youth ministry so he can set up competing relationships with you. Together, with his peers, they can share their ignorance.
  6. When he sins, blame someone else.
  7. Let him sleep in.
  8. Make him go to church on Sunday, but do not ever do church at home Monday through Friday. He'll grow up a Pharisee just like you.
  9. Let your wife do all the praying in the home.
  10. Get angry alot. Deal with your wife and kids by raising your voice real loud to ensure that you get what you want. He'll grow up passionate about himself... a real terror to live with.
  11. Work alot, make alot, waste alot... he'll live for the next toy. He will not have a vision to live for something larger than the trivial.
  12. Whenever your wife nags, let him see you get mad, or cave in... sure enough, he will see you slink off to get what you want anyway.
  13. Make sure he watches alot of T.V. He will get his fill of rebellion, lust, and stupid dads.

These are just a few ways we can make our sons shallow, vain, and spineless. I am always disgusted when I see pagans raising REAL Men, and Christians raising whiners. We give away our birth rite for a bowl of soup.


Jocelyn K. said...

Amen, Rob!! Thank you for your boldness in proclaiming the Truth of the LORD in a culture that despises it.

Christie said...

Loved this post, these are all things that occurred in my household growing up. Praise the Lord that He rescued myself and my brother from certain death in our sins!!!

Gabriel H said...


Hannah said...

Thank you so much for this post. It was so nice to meet you and your family. I really enjoyed meeting your daughters, they were so nice.

Hannah Updike (William's sister) :)

Gabriel H said...

Sorry, had to comment again. Oh, that was good. *shudders in pristine ecstasy*

"Make him go to church on Sunday but never do church at home Monday through Friday- he'll grow up a pharisee just like you."


Yep. Good stuff. Too true, and well put!